Infections.

Ear infections are the most naive infection.
Bronchitis is the most petulant.
UTIs are the most lonely.
Viruses are the most stately.
Athlete's foot drinks Keystone Light.
Gangrene drinks Newcastle.
Leprosy drinks 15-year scotch neat.
Ebola is suffering from culture shock.
Cholera misses his family.
Malaria came from a broken home.
Lyme disease was stranded on an island for two years.
Polio thinks fondly of your grandmother.
Cancer's father had a muscle car in the garage.
Dengue fever joined the communist party in college but now regrets it because it was a rash decision.
Pneumonia wears gray shirts.